i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
