I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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