im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
