Someone shit on the floor
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
