First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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