Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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