Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
