god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
