It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
