fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
