your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
