im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
