you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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