After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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