i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
