I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did i just pee glitter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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