Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
