Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
