Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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