I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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