I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
