So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
