Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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