They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
