i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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