I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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