There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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