he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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