my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
