I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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