Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
