Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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