You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
