I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
