At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ttyl tear gas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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