ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
