if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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