i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
