Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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