They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
