We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
