If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
