I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
