I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
