So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
