he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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