I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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