Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
