My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
