I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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