Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
