Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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