toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
