The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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