i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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